Waking Up
by 1984winstons
Summary: Nick will be the center of this story, but there will be Will, Will and Sonny, Marlena and a love interest. The story will have a happy ending, but trials too. The story picks up just after Victor evicts Nick from the Kiriakis mansion. The goal is to really explore the issues with which Nick Fallon is grappling. I realize many won't give this story a chance so thanks clicking!
1. Chapter 1

**Author's note: Nick will be the center of this story, but there will be Will, Will and Sonny, Marlena and a love interest for Nick. The story will have a happy ending, but trials along the way. The story picks up just after Victor evicts Nick from the Kiriakis mansion. The past is consistent with the show, but things will diverge from the storyline of the show from here on out. The goal is to really explore the issues with which Nick Fallon is grappling. **

There was a subdued pitter patter rhythm as the drops of water hit the concrete floor and traveled to the drain. Nick focused on the grimy grout between the gray tiles following the geometric lines up, down, over and back. He blocked out everything else that was happening to him and instead memorized every crack and line of mildew in the grout. He was being restrained by the other two and fighting wouldn't stop this from happening. It would just add a broken nose and a black eye to the the damage he would sustain.

There was a scream. His blood feels too thin as he is waking up and it is cold and damp. His throat is sore and he realizes the scream belonged to him. He looks around the room and struggles to identify his setting.

It's a hotel room. A cheap hotel room. He isn't sure if the room is cold or if only he is cold. He pulls the scratchy blanket tightly to his neck and shakes the dream from his head. Maybe a warm shower will chase the cold away. No! It won't. A warm bath. A hot bath, that might help.

Nick let his thoughts wander as he soaked in the warm bath.

_How did I let this happen again. Its like I am clearing the driveway of snow only to realize that I have buried everyone I care about in the snow drifts on either side. I achieve the task only to look back and realize I have destroyed everything that matters in the process. When I wake up tomorrow, I have to do something. I have to make something better. It has to come from me. I should start with something small that I can't get too obsessed with. Maybe I will just work on finding an apartment. Isn't that what functional people do? The whole take-it-one-step-at-a-time thing. Why, when you can long jump or pole vault?_

_Maybe I should leave Salem. I can now, but I think I need to wake up and face the consequences. If I leave, I will just repeat the downward spiral somewhere else. Create havoc in a new circle. I need to swim out of the whirlpool I created with myself at the center. That must be a hundred times harder than swimming upstream, but I know that is the only way for me. _

_To do that I'll need to be strong. No pills, no drinking, try to sleep. That isn't even the hard part. Something in my mind needs to be attended to. Maggie was right. I need therapy. And I know it has to be Dr. Evans. She has something of what Will has. She has what I am missing. I know she is the only one that can help me, just like I knew the formula I gave Kate would work. Of course, she was surprised. I didn't have the chemists, the lab, or the testing facilities. It was just me and my laptop, but I knew it would be effective, just as strongly as I know that only Dr. Evans can help me._

_Okay, that is tomorrow's list. 1. Find an apartment. 2. Make an appointment. 3. Take Gabi her things. Maybe I should scratch that last one. I can do that one-day-at-a-time thing and decide tomorrow._

_Gabi isn't what I thought she was. She isn't like Melanie or Will. They are all three needy, but Will and Melanie are generous and Gabi is selfish. She is gorgeous though. I thought I could be her protector like Chad for Melanie and Sonny for Will, but it's not the same. Maybe I had it backwards. I wonder what it would be like to have someone like Sonny shielding me. Not like Vargus, either, but actually someone like Sonny but a woman. Then I wouldn't need to be strong. That is what my parents should have been, but they weren't and I had to compensate. The result is the weed overtook the garden. Everything good is in the weed but it kills the life around it. _

_I guess I should be grateful to be alive. Jensen easily could have killed me. Maybe I would be more grateful to be dead. Maybe the world would be better if I was dead. Salem is definitely better with Jensen dead. Jensen very nearly killed Will. _

_Oh god. I don't want to think about Will. Will was the equation that invalidated every other theory. I can't understand him and that completely fascinates me. My blackmail plan was brilliant. I probably put together the single worst scenario he could have faced. The only thing that would have been worse would be to make him lose his daughter and have Sonny hate him. Actually, I did have Sonny hating him for awhile. It wasn't that difficult to convince him to keep the secret from Sonny. I should have broken him. Why didn't it break him. Will didn't like me that much before, but after the blackmail. Now he must hate me more than anyone or anything. Why did he save me? Somehow I don't think Will hates anyone. Where does he draw his strength from? His invisible strength. Why did he risk his life to save me? Why did he stay with me and let Sonny leave? It isn't understandable. Maybe he has a blind spot as big as mine. Maybe we're similar. Maybe we are opposites. If we are opposites, there is no question he is light and I am dark. That is why I shouldn't think about Will. He is the problem that doesn't compute. It just blows the processor._

Nick finished his bath and tried to get back to sleep. He may have slept another thirty minutes in the next three hours when he finally gave up and started the day. He was able to find a great apartment not too far from the Horton Town Square. He would move in over the weekend.

Getting the appointment with Dr. Evans was more difficult. He had no success calling in. He was able to track her down as she left the hospital and somehow he convinced her to schedule an initial counseling session for the following week.

With the first two tasks accomplished, he decided to stop by with Gabi's things and was surprised to find her alone (except the sleeping baby) and looking hot. It really wasn't even fair to expect Nick to resist the ease that the situation offered. He was fragile and lonely and he slept better that night after having Gabi again.

**A/N: Thanks for actually finishing this chapter! If you have ideas for this story, I would appreciate hearing them. **


	2. Missing

**Author's note: This chapter starts with actual dialogue from the show from a few weeks ago, but as a reminder things will definitely take a different direction. Thank you to Rorihill for sharing thoughts on Nick's character! Also, this chapter has a Wilson kiss and the introduction of Marlena!**

Nick had a near photographic memory which had helped him tremendously in school and in his brief stint working under Kate. Tonight it was a curse. He had made an attempt with Will today. This task had found its way to his list. He thought he may want more intimacy with Gabi, so to keep that option open Will was a variable to control, if possible. This is what his mind said in the forefront, but for a moment, albeit a brief one, there was another underlying motivation. Whatever the motivation, the end result was another night where sleep eluded him as his near photographic memory replayed Will's words like a broken record.

"_I wish you well, I do and I hope you get the help you need to get better. . . But when I saw you holding my daughter, I absolutely hated that. I wish I was a better man than that. I was telling Sonny that I thought people need to give you a chance to redeem yourself, and I think that is absolutely true, but I don't think it is going to be me that does it, understand? I'm sorry about . . . I mean . . . what happened to you in prison it twisted you I understand and you're still trying to heal from that, and you're going to live with that every day but you know what I have to live with every day? I'm ashamed of what I let you do to me. I let you control me. You saw a coward in me and I gave that to you. I tried to justify it by saying I was protecting my family . . . but . . . because I didn't see what you were running from we almost died! Gabi almost died. Sonny almost died. My daughter almost died! And that's because of you! You understand, I'm not saying you would ever do it again. I am never going to take that chance! So yeah, I do have a problem with you holding my daughter."_

And then Nick remembered Nick's lame response.

"_I didn't realize you still hated me . . ."_

Maybe these words weren't what kept Nick up late tonight. Maybe it was the shock of witnessing Will's previously undetected backbone. Will's undiscovered backbone. The truth of Will's words rang like a siren in his skull.

_Where was he hiding it up until now, seriously? Was that confident clarity really buried in insecurities? That must be a tall haystack of insecurity._

Nick repeated this pattern until he had achieved a downward spiral of self-loathing, confusion and absolutely no sleep.

#####

Will meant what he said when he said if a bigot wants to change or tries to change and everyone else keeps treating him like dirt then he loses his motivation to change. He also meant what he said when he said he had given Nick a chance and he wasted it. He especially meant what he said when he said he didn't want Nick near Arianna unless either he or Sonny were present.

Wasn't it enough that he had saved Nick's life? Did they really need to be best friends?

Will felt proud when he realized he was in complete agreement with his grandma Caroline. She was one of his family members that he truly wanted to emulate and he was just a little pleased with himself when he realized that both she and Sonny approved of his point of view in this situation.

Will was dealing with a lot right now. There was school, his mom was in jail, he was worrying about Sonny's entrapment, trying to keep Brent in check . . . and oh yeah, fatherhood. Nick seemed sincere, but Will also knew what Nick was capable of and Will really wasn't in a state to take on anyone else's issues. He had enough of his own.

Will was still glad he risked his life to save Nick and not to mention, Sonny, Gabi and his darling daughter, but he wasn't ready to invite Nick in as dad number three. Why did Nick care so damn much anyway. Why can't he just be happy he lived, didn't get caught for blackmail and is now off parole?

Will knew he was right, but he still felt a twinge of guilt. He didn't like disappointing people, even if those people deserved it.

Will was letting these worries carve a scowl into his face which he carried with him into the club. A couple of days had passed since his confrontation with Nick, but he just couldn't quite let it go. He must though. Tonight was his first date night with Sonny in over a month!

He opened the door and stood just inside it unnoticed as he watched Sonny serving a couple of martinis to some young women who were definitely flirting with him. Sonny kept his professional demeanor but that included his dazzling smile which Will knew damn well was irresistible and the young ladies in question certainly were not immune.

Will decided it was time to disappoint them before they became even more hopeful. He slipped behind the bar, wrapped his arms around Sonny's waist and gave him a quick peck on the cheek. He felt a bit wicked as he saw the realization hit the lovely ladies like a brick wall. Their smiles slowly slid down their faces as they took their drinks and found a table.

"Hey, babe!" Sonny said as he turned in Will's arms giving him a real kiss that finally cracked the scowl on Will's face replacing it with a sparkling smile.

"Are you ready for our date? Can you leave?" Will asked hopefully keeping a firm grasp on Sonny's waist.

"Almost, Ken should be here in a few minutes to take over the bar and then I just have to change, OK? Sit, relax."

"I have a better idea. You go change and I will watch the bar til Ken gets here. Then we can leave faster, OK?"

"So, you're excited about tonight, huh?" Sonny asked playfully kissing Will's neck and nibbling his ear lobe.

"God, yes! More than you know, but you better stop that now or I'm going to have to skip the restaurant altogether."

"No way, Will! I made a reservation and you promised to try the grilled octopus tonight," Sonny retorted with a bright smile.

"Uh-huh," Will said as he moved his hands to weave them in Sonny's hair pulling him in for a deeper kiss.

"Hey, Sonny. Looks like you're ready to go and I'm here so maybe you and Will can scoot out of the bar," Ken said laughing as noticed Will blush.

After Sonny changed, he and Will left the club hand in hand walking to the restaurant glad to finally be alone.

But they weren't alone. Nick had been waiting in the corner outside hidden by a tree, so that he could follow them.

####

The next morning, Nick sat in the waiting room staring at the floor waiting for his appointment with Dr. Evans.

"Hi, Nick, come in," Marlena said with a warm soothing voice.

Nick settled in a chair facing her desk rather than the couch, and opened with, "Thank you for agreeing to take me on as a patient. I know you might have concerns."

"Well, I haven't agreed to take you as a patient yet, Nick. I have agreed to this first session so that we can both try to assess whether or not I can help you, so it's important that you are honest with me today, OK?"

"OK, I understand."

"So, let's start with this. On the phone, you said that I was the only doctor that could help you. What did you mean by that?"

Nick hesitated. He really did believe that and he really did want help, but he had deep concerns about sharing too much. She didn't really want that. If he did, she would probably kick him out. He looked up and was surprised to see she was waiting patiently for his response.

Nick took in one deep long breath and spoke.

"I think I am missing the thing that you and Will have. I need you to help me get it."


End file.
